Kyarinal (Festival)

Writing is such an interesting process. The characters I am writing have their own personalities and their own prejudices, sometimes so much so that I get lost in their perceptions of experiences that may or may not be the way they perceive them to be. 

One of these experiences is Festival, an Azellian celebration of life and the infinite possibilities that go with it. Annual is something of a misnomer: Festival occurs once every Azellian year. The Azellian year is somewhat shorter than the human year; Azelle orbits its sun more quickly than Earth does. So it tends to happen more often than once a year for those Azellians on Earth. From Tamara’s perspective, Festival is a time of discomfort, behaviors that she fears (particularly the feeling of being out of control), and a sense of shame about herself. 

In reality, Festival is nothing like Tamara’s fear and shame paint it. Since most participants don’t remember what happened, including Merran, I went instead to another source. Galadrian Raderth is a sage, a seer and someone who bears a perspective and awareness far beyond our own. I’ve only begun to learn the depths of this character, who spends quite a bit of time whispering in my ear about Azelle and Azellian life. I have my suspicions about just who Galadrian actually is, and I suspect he’ll be surprising me for some time to come—but for now, I am content to ask him questions and see which ones he’ll actually answer. 

Sara: Thanks for sitting down with me, Galadrian. 

Galadrian: It’s my pleasure. 

Sara (rubbing my hands together): Okay, let me get right to it. Festival—what is it? 

Galadrian: Possibility. 

Sara: And that means what?

Galadrian (with an enigmatic smile): Whatever it means. It differs depending on the life path of the individual. 

Sara: Can humans experience it? 

Galadrian: Of course. Life is completely connected. Any being that steps into quantum awareness enters the space of kyarinal. 

Sara: Quantum awareness? 

Galadrian: You have heard of quantum physics? 

Sara: Yes, of course.

Galadrian: Do you think physical reality is bound by a different set of rules than quantum physics? 

Sara: No. Yes. No? Uh, maybe? I hadn’t really thought about it. Except recently, when I was reading Amit Goswami’s books about spirituality and quantum physics. It was a bit above my head, honestly—but something about what he said made sense to me, on some deep level. That the oddness of quantum physics—that the quantum level of matter is both a wave and a particle and doesn’t have a defined shape or form until observed—could perhaps be true for our physical reality, too.   

Galadrian: Opening the door to that possibility is the first step. Honing and practicing stepping into your quantum awareness while consciously aware is next. From there, when you move into kyarinal, you will recall the experience while you are linked into your quantum awareness. Most experiences can be seen from multiple perspectives and are accessible from multiple states of awareness. Kyarinal is not. Only those who are able to access the quantum awareness can recall the memories of it because it is not taking place in the dimensions that most people can perceive at all.       

Sara: So you’re saying that if a human wandered into Festival, they would see nothing?

Galadrian: They would see only what they are ready to see. 

Sara: What about those people who are experiencing kyarinal? Are they all tapped into their quantum awareness? 

Galadrian: That is why only Azellians and certain humans who have been able to access the quantum awareness can experience Festival. Azellians are linked to us, the ulaarya who live in the quantum all the time. Humans have their own guides, and those who listen to their guides, can access kyarinal. 

Me: Damn. How am I going to write about this? 

Galadrian (grins at me): One word at a time. Remember the story, not the explanation, beloved. 

Sara (sighing and closing my eyes): I would ask you why I’m the special human who can hear a ulaarya, but I’m not sure I’m ready to admit it out loud. In a blog post. 

Galadrian (reaching out to touch my head): When you’re ready to admit what you know, it will change everything. 

Sara (opening my eyes): I’m scared.

Galadrian: Are you? Or are you simply remembering the lifetimes in which you have refused to admit to what you truly are? The cellular debris that litters your attempts to push further than the world was ready for?  

Sara: Yes. This is why I’ve never interviewed you in a blog post like I have Merran. I end up here, before I’m ready.  

Galadrian: You are more ready than you know, beloved. 

Sara: Ready to admit that I’m as ulaarya as you are?  

Galadrian: Exactly. 

Sara: I’m not posting this. Not yet, anyway.

Galadrian: The choice is yours. But embracing your angelic nature is part of what you are learning to do, my beloved Sara. And part of that is this. Admitting that Azelle is real. As real as Earth, and that you belong among us. 

Sara: You’re supposed to be my angel of joy. 

Galadrian: Embracing your true nature leads to joy, akila. 

Sara (with a sheepish smile): I know. I just want to be childish for a while. Maybe even a little whiny.  

Galadrian (laughs): That tendency will go away once you learn to feel safe enough to reveal your true nature to the world.  

Sara: Meanwhile I have four blog posts, of eight that Alissa wants me to write. 

Galadrian (leans over and kisses me): This one will be published eventually. When you’re ready. As for kyarinal, it will be shown in the stories. Don’t try to explain it. Show it. It will do what it needs to do. And so will you. 

It surprises me that he has answered as fully as he has—he usually doesn’t answer me. But as I stare at the dialogue that has rolled off my fingers, not entirely on purpose, I realize that Galadrian is no longer avoiding my questions. My relationship with him is changing—and with it, my understanding of the stories I am writing. I don’t know where these stories are taking me, but I am willing to have faith and step into my quantum awareness. Maybe then I’ll actually remember what I have forgotten about Azelle—and be able to write about it without all the drama.